#FailinGracefully: 6 months later
Six months ago I left my permanent job, the security of a comfortable monthly salary and I jumped into the unknown. No real plan, only a heart full of dreams and enough savings in the bank to survive for a few months. At the time, I wrote a text about how I was ready to fail gracefully. Today it’s time to look back and assess how I have achieved that and what I have learnt from this experience.
Step 1 of my journey: a 3 month road trip
As soon as I left my desk at my previous company -and of course after having a few drinks to celebrate- I packed up my backpack and left Bristol for a 3 month road trip on the other side of the planet. My strong willingness to do this trip was actually one of the triggers that helped me make the decision of leaving my job: I wanted to visit friends in Australia, discovering New Zealand was on my list of things to do before I am 30 and you can’t do either without a good chunk of time off.
So here you go. I spent two weeks in Melbourne catching up with my lovely friends Wayne and Sue, six weeks exploring New Zealand in a campervan with my dear friend Mathilde, one week resting and discovering Singapore thanks to the great Pauline and two weeks adventuring in Cuba with my amazing mum.
What a journey! I have enjoyed every moment of it -even the 7,8 magnitude earthquake in New Zealand- and will for ever be grateful for waking up in a different place every morning, meeting outstanding people along the way, feeling totally free and independent, admiring the beauty of nature, going to bed in the campervan while looking at the stars… Everyday was different, exciting. No politics involved, no “I have to do this”; only love and freedom. This trip was the perfect transition to a new life and a new year, allowing me to rest, explore, and get ready for failing gracefully.
Step 2: Coming back to reality
When I got back to Bristol, I almost got instantaneously hit by what we call “real life”: a friend of mine very sadly lost her husband, my dad had been diagnosed with a long-term illness and many of my friends had been made redundant from their jobs. On top of that, despite my many dreams and ideas, I didn’t know where to start and what to do with my time. I started to question whether I should go back to France, or move to London, whether I should find another corporate job or set up my own business. I was quite lost and also started to avoid social gatherings as people would always ask me “what do you do?” and I had no idea how to answer that. It was quite a tough period for me but finally, without realising it, I was failing gracefully!
After a few weeks, I did what I have always done: I found a purpose in two projects that inspired me and had a deadline attached to them. Getting busy had become a priority. So here you go, in 6 weeks I wrote a 35 page chapter for a book on social intrapreneurship to be published in autumn and I got ready to speak at a conference in Vienna on my experience as an intrapreneur in my previous company.
Both projects went really well and gave me the boost I needed to get inspired again and keep going. The book gave me some confidence in my expertise -on intrapreneurship and diversity & inclusion- and the conference helped me reconnecting with the corporate world, which I must admit, I had really missed. But is “getting busy” the right approach to find fulfilment and purpose?
Step 3: Finding purpose
After the conference, I started the loop all over again: going on holiday for two weeks, finding it hard to come back, focusing on getting busy and questioning every single decision. When you have a full time job, you focus your energy on doing a good job and planning fun an relaxing activities in your spare time. You have a common goal with other individuals, you see people most days and you don’t think too much about the why, the how and all these fundamental and yet exhausting questions. When you have no job or project, you spend your time looking for purpose.
So here you go. I self-coached myself on defining my vision, what I want and don’t want, what would success look like for me, how I can achieve this, etc. I had many ideas, quite a clear vision and yet I seemed to be glued in inefficiency, lack of motivation and even strong boredom. Failing gracefully again.
To avoid becoming crazy, I got busy again. This time with projects very much aligned to who I am or want to be: joining a consultancy group, I started to train employees on unconscious bias for various clients. This was a huge step out of my comfort zone -especially after six months being away from the corporate world- but definitely worth it. It does not fully give me the purpose I am looking for, but it has given me projects on topics I am passionate about, recognition and exposure. A good first step!
I also started to work on a business plan for a start-up business which aim would be to share diverse stories to inspire people via an online platform and local events in Bristol. More to come soon…
Next step: Connecting with people
I guess my biggest learning from the previous months and from failing gracefully is that for me, PEOPLE is the ultimate purpose. I can get busy, I can create stuff, but without people, it doesn’t appeal to me as much. I want to be inspired, I want to be challenged, I want to connect, learn, explore, I want to share successes, I want to be supported in tough times, I want to be helpful, useful, I want to make the world a better place, I want to love and be loved. It’s more than “I want” actually. It’s “I need”. I need people to be myself, to feel joy and to fulfil my purpose. It’s all about people.
So that’s it! My next step is about reaching out to people, moving away from my desk, getting out there and CONNECTING.
I know there will be more challenges coming my way, including questioning times, lonely moments and lack of motivation. I know that things won’t be easy until I feel useful and inspired. It may take months to get there. So be it. I am no longer ready to fail gracefully. I am failing gracefully. And I am trying to embrace it! The importance is not to have any regrets. And so far, I have none. I am living my values everyday, my integrity is not challenged and I am trying to do things I enjoy while learning along the way. Let’s reassess in 6 month time.
You know I love quotes, so I’ll finish this article with one that resonates a lot with me at the moment…
