Back to France: a year later…
A year ago I was moving back to my native country after living for 5 years in Bristol, UK. I had to adapt my lifestyle, habits and ways of seeing the world back to my native culture, without losing everything I had learnt in the UK.
You can read here what I wrote a month after moving to Paris.
After a year I must say that not much has changed since my first observations. People still love to eat, the health system is still amazing and swimming is still a fight for life. Nonetheless, I want to share with you some of my observations that take a bit more than a month to understand: here we are going to talk about work, politics and lifestyle.*
WORK
I can see a few differences between the Brits and the French — please forgive me in advance for generalizing here, I don’t mean to tell the truth but just share some of my own experiences:
- Pragmatism vs. Analytical thinking
I remember that when I moved to England I suffered from the lack of analysis and time we would take to make a decision or implement a project. Within my first month we launched a new HR project without truly thinking of the impact it could have on people and we then had to deal with all the questions and requests coming our way which I thought was a very disorganised way of doing things. Now it’s the opposite! I cannot stand meetings that last for hours without reaching an agreement or the necessity to prepare a perfect plan before doing anything. It’s hard for me to re-adapt, especially when I have been used to work hard 35h a week and have plenty of time for my personal life. Now I feel I am working 50 hours a week but way less efficiently…
In truthness, I actually value both ways of doing things: whether it’s being pragmatic, business-focused and allowed to make some mistakes along the way or whether it is to analyse, think ahead of the different options to make a clear and thought-through decision and increase the chances for success. I think that the key is to find a balance between both approaches so this is what I am trying to do every day.
2. Sense of Humour vs. Critical thinking
This is what I miss the most at work: the Brits’ sense of humour. Every meeting would start with a joke, every email would have a positive note, people would more often than not be upbeat and optimistic. Giving and receiving positive feedback was part of the culture and recognising we all have different abilities was such a relief because we could play on our strenghts without having to be good in all topics. This perfectly fits with my personality and I have absolutely loved working in the UK, especially for these reasons.
Working in France is a whole other story… I find people extremely pessimistic, very critical and judgmental about themselves and others, and so negative about everything. When I am training on public speaking I ask participants what they think they have done well; they always answer things like “well, I wasn’t enough so and so” or “I should have done this more”. And then I tell them this was not my question and that I would like them to tell me what they did do well. They usually stay in silence as they don’t know what to say! I don’t blame French people as complaining is part of our culture — I call it a national sport- we are rarely told positive feedback throughout our education and we are raised believing we need to be perfect and successful but that we shouldn’t brag about it or being too “shiny” as this would bring over a shadow on others… So, be good, be great, but don’t tell others too loudly and don’t be recognised for it!!! No surprise we are the in the top countries for anti-depressant consumption.
This aspect of working life or just even perspective on life is the hardest thing I have to adapt to since I’ve moved back. And to be fair, I think it’s the only thing I do not want to adapt to. I have resisted for a year, smiling away and highlighting all the positives in any situation. Let’s hope I keep this up!
3. What university did you go to?
Gosh I hate this question. Not because I didn’t go to a good university but because I find it stupid, especially when, for example, it is asked to someone who has been working for 30 years! But this is almost always the second question people will ask you — after asking for your name first, we are not that rude. When I was in England, no-one knew the French Universities so nobody ever asked me about it and also it’s not as important to bond with people. Here, it’s like a Go / No Go question. If you don’t answer it the way it’s expected — meaning naming one of the best universities- well then good luck to keep building the relationship and making a good impression. I can understand that we ask the question to a young professional who has almost no work experience as it gives a reference to the topic they studied and maybe the level of excellence they were faced with. However, why keeping on asking this question throughout all your working life when experience and competence have become far more important than your 5 years at Uni?
4. Networking is key… and fun!
5 years without a real network or a way to connect very quickly with people is not a piece of cake. Living the opposite now: what a joy! What a delight! I am so enjoying bumping into people I know or who know someone I know, having the ability to connect because we have things in common and I am amazed by how people open their network to you in such a natural and helpful way. As a freelance consultant and trainer, this has been extremely helpful. I have met extraordinary people, who then have introduced me to other amazing people and not only you learn a lot but you have a good time, you meet new friends and you often also end up being asked to join great projects to work on. A winning game!
POLITICS
Some of you know this: some of the reasons I moved back to France are political ones. First, Brexit made me realise I did not want to stay in a country that chose to leave Europe. Second, Emmanuel Macron’s election as French President gave me hope that a new way of doing politics was possible and that France could shine again and have a real place on the world political map. Now that I read French newspapers or watch the French news, I can see a real difference in the way we see the world and I am actually very proud to be French.
- Fight against climate change
You may tell me we are not doing enough actions regarding the fight to save our planet, and I would agree with you. However, there is a real awareness of the situation, people talk about it a lot more, there are some amazing local initiatives and most of my friends have decided to change their lifestyle in order to reduce their impact on the environment. Climate change is a hot topic every day (no pun intended here!) and it makes me feel connected to the world, as humans, as we have to face this challenge all together. I did not feel this in England.
2. Fight for Europe
Gosh it feels good to be European again! Yes, Europe needs to be reformed and changed but what a joy to share our gains and pains with other countries and to feel stronger because of this. I know this is only my view and I don’t expect you to agree with me. But living on an island that adores the USA — up to the arrival of Trump, not sure about this now- and has been criticising Europe since its creation was so not aligned with my values, my education and what I believe in that it feels good to be back and feel truly European again.
3. Political Engagement
Because of French History, the government is accountable for many social improvements and therefore has to be engaged in society’s challenges and helps changes to happen. Whether we are talking about the Health system, the Education system, Gender Equality, inclusion of people with a disability, etc. there are some national debates, ended usually with a law being passed and with the private sector having to adapt to these changes. It might seem surprising from an anglo-saxon point of view that the government can “direct” businesses in the such a way but it can make such a difference in the end! Look at the law on making professional training mandatory for all, all your working life; or the law asking for gender parity in senior leadership positions. There are many examples and even though it’s always stronger when an organisation decides on its own to make steps further towards inclusion or a better society or less impact on the environment, rather than being forced by law to do so, at least things are moving forward faster for the better.
4. Diversity and Inclusion
This topic could take a whole article itself — and probably will- but the vision on Diversity & Inclusion is so different in the UK and in France. And despite the fact I find it good that the government can take action and passes laws to help reach gender equality for example, I personally believe that the way the topic is presented in France is actually not helping the cause itself. In England, maybe because of a fear of conflict, we talk more about inclusion and how to build a culture where everyone feel they can be themselves. In France, maybe because of a love for conflict and debate, we talk about how women are oppressed by men and how we need to fight for this to change. The perspective is therefore very different: on one hand, we are building an inclusive society together and on the other hand we are fighting for one part of the population to have more rights in action (not just in words). Both approaches have their pros and cons. I think it is crucial to talk about the issues women face as the awareness in people’s minds will help behavioural change. However there is a way to do this and I am not sure that excluding men from the conversation or using vocabulary that is sometimes expressing anger, violence or revenge is the right way to do it. Or is it because women are way more bothered / assaulted / insulted when in the streets in France (talking from experience!)?
LIFESTYLE
- Family & friends
It’s amazing to be geographically close to your family and friends. You see them more often, they call you more, you know details of their lives you wouldn’t know otherwise and you build relationships over shared memories rather than whastapp messages.
When I finished Uni, I wanted to live in a cool place; now I want to live close to the people I love. If the place is cool too, it’s a winner but it’s no longer criteria number one. I went back to Bristol 3 times in a year — what a joy to live so close- and I did realise what I missed most, apart from my friends of course: the ability to walk everywhere, the presence of nature in the city, having the time to do things because the commute is always short, feeling safe at all times, feeling on holiday even if you are not, feeling relaxed. And yet, I do not regret moving to Paris, even if it might just be a transition towards a new place (still in France!)…
2. Love
People approach love in a different way here, and it suits me better. They are not afraid to commit to a relationship, to be exclusive (or loyal?) from the beginning, to be wanting kids together and openly talk about it, to be respectful of each other’s dreams and to be romantic… most times!
I am not saying this is not to be found in the UK but I guess I found it harder to connect on all these levels as I was not living in my own culture and couldn’t connect on shared cultural/historical/musical/social references.
3. The ART
Oh my, this is a lifestyle change for me: first, joining an improv class, plus an improv troupe but also going to the theatre at least twice a month if not more. I absolutely love it and it’s so amazing to have so many options in Paris, it makes me very happy. I was particularly touched this summer in Aurillac’s festival by a play that lasted 8 hours overnight: it was SO amazing, so beautiful and so well thought-through from an artistic, creative and human point of view that I wanted to be a full time actress after that!! I love being touched like that, it makes you a better person I think.
To top it all, I am currently co-writing a 4 women show with 3 of my best friends where we will be telling you some of our daily life stories and what it is like to be a women in 2020’s in Paris. Lots of un and emotions to look for: watch out for it next year!
4. Football World Champions
How could I not mention this great achievement, 20 years after the win in 1998? I mean, this was one of the highlights of the year and I am so grateful I was in France to live it.
5. Admin work can kill you
I know I have already mentioned this last year but gosh the French love to complicate every single process with more and more admin work. I spent at least 3 whole weeks sorting out paperwork and I still haven’t finished. It takes me about half a day a week… minimum!!! Stop this please!!!!
6. Champagne and Cigarettes
The advantage of living in Paris? You drink free champagne at almost every conferences, official parties, etc. And this happens a lot.
The annoying thing? Everyone, or almost, smoke and even if it’s outside, it stinks!
7. Fun, fun, fun
Finally, I have had lots of fun this year… Doing a sportive treasure hunt in Gant (Belgium), training entrepreneurs in French Guyana, running for La Parisienne, walking on the Camino de Santiago for 300 km in 12 days, skiing in Sweden, being an extra in an American TV shows taking place in the 1950s, celebrating my 30th birthday with my friends, organising Fill the bar and True Stories, developping my freelance work, celebrating my friends weddings (and hen dos), training people all over Europe, helping out my brother with his bar, etc. What a great year!
Here are my observations one year after moving back to France… I am still thinking about my life in England a lot, trying to keep the best of both cultures and I am really grateful for that expat experience which really made me grow, learn and become the person I am today: about 2/3rd French and 1/3rd British? Whatever the numbers, I will keep England in my heart for ever and I am very happy to be living in France. Let’s just hope I don’t become 100% Parisian…! ;D
#ExpatLife #LearningEveryDay #MissingEngland #LovingFrance #FailinGracefully
*These observations are mine only and are obviously subjective: I don’t expect you to agree with them all.