Back to France: 1 month later
This is it. Last May, I made the decision to go back to France after living in the UK for five years, knowing it would be a huge change and expecting it to be quite hard. I was afraid of the reverse culture shock where you find yourself in limbo between two cultures you both know very well and yet can’t identify fully yourself with. Returning to France is not really returning home. Your identity is challenged, you are losing the senses of security, understanding and belonging, you are leaving friends, routines, places you love.
I have experienced that strong feeling of being lost in my native country 7 years ago when I came back after a year abroad (Bolivia, Australia). What was it going to be after 5 years?
Well, amazing.
I have now been in Paris for a month and I have enjoyed every second of it. I am still feeling lost sometimes, but my friends and family have been so amazing of guiding me and supporting me that when this happens, I take it as a joke, learn from it and move on. I also realise how much the last two years have eased this smooth transition as I have travelled back to France quite often, have moved in with French people in Bristol and have opened a new huge supportive network in Paris thanks to the entrepreneurial adventure of Ticket for change. Starting a new job straight away has also helped to structure my days, meet amazing people and give a real purpose to my move. I am very grateful for being surrounded by positive and open friends: without them, it would be another story!
Having said all of that, what I really want to share with you is what I have observed, mostly in my first two weeks here, that surprised me. Basically, take the following as what an expat may see when they first move to Paris from the UK. Some stuff are very positives, other not so much but this is how I saw France with my British eyes!
Positive surprises:
People are beautiful.
They dress up really well, don’t wear pyjamas in the street and have this je ne sais quoi that makes you tick. When I say people, I mean men. And women. Wow, it had been a while since I have found so many people so elegant, slim and pretty to look at!
The weather is warm.
We are today the 2nd of November and I haven’t yet used my winter coat. My body may have adapted to the British weather but here I am constantly warm, or let’s say I have never been cold yet. A feeling I have been looking for a while now! What a pleasure to have lunch in the sun, outside, in October! How amazing not to have to wear 5 jumpers in the office! How lovely it is not to have to carry an umbrella everywhere. And this is autumn, watch out for next summer :-)
Food is amazing.
Do I need to mention this? Or is this stereotype well-enough known? Oh God, food! The quality of it, the taste, the unlimited options! Everything is just better. I think one of my biggest pleasures now is to go to the fruits and vegetables market on Saturday morning and buy all the things I couldn’t really have access to in the UK. And then, eat them! Gosh this feels good. And bread, oh my, bread! Have I mentioned cheese? Cheap and tasty wine? I will stop there but believe me I could go on for lines and paragraphs.
The importance of the meal.
I said I would stop talking about food. But I need to mention the concept of having a meal here. You don’t get a triangle sandwich from Sainsbury and eat it in front of your computer here. You go to the restaurant, to the brasserie and you stop working. You actually spend time to eat, relax, get to know your colleagues and obviously enjoy the food. At first, I almost saw this as a waste of time. Now, I am like: how on earth I have survived without this for 5 years?
I can sleep in the dark at night.
Here, windows have shutters, not just blinds. This means I can sleep at night without wearing a night mask and that I don’t wake up as soon as the sun is up too. Add to this the fact that my place is really quiet and that I don’t need earplugs anymore and you can just get how my nights have become more comfortable.
Parisian people are friendly.
I know, that’s the hardest to believe; even I struggled to change that stereotype in my mind. But hey, after a month I must say people have been pretty friendly to me or to each other, whether it’s in the metro - the worst place to keep calm sometimes - or in the street, the shops, etc. I have always found help when needed and more often than not with a smile! Ok, they are not as relaxed and funny as the Brits but as long as they are not mean and aggressive, I am happy!
Health is not an option, it’s a must have.
First of all, I don’t know if it is because of the food I eat or the air around me - which I believe is pretty polluted around here - but I have much less skin issues than I used to have in the UK. I am rarely hungry a couple hours after a meal, I walk a lot during the day and I sleep better. I just feel healthier. Second of all, I am impressed by the Social Security (equivalent to the NHS), how it is managed and give everyone access to high quality doctors, hospitals and medicine. When I lived in the UK it happened to me twice to get on a plane, see a dentist and fly back home. This would cost me less than going to an English private dentist and I would be sure a great work would be done. I am not saying there are not great dentists in the UK, but that access to great facilities is easier in France.
I no longer live on an island.
This might seem trivial but living “on the continent” actually makes a difference. I feel much more connected to Europe, to the world and other cultures. It’s much easier to travel by land to foreign places, sometimes without realising as you don’t have to show your ID, and the train system is much more developed and affordable. The way people think differs too. It definitely makes a difference to live on an island or to have geographical and cultural connexions with other countries. I much prefer the later.
Benevolence is the new word.
When I left France, I had never heard that word before. Read it maybe but never heard. And now it is used everywhere: in your job, activities you do, discussions you have, feedback you receive, etc. I guess it’s just a very hopeful sign for where we want to get to as a society.
Negative surprises :
Terrorist threats are around the corner.
It might seem strange to say but I have never felt in danger in Bristol. In Paris, I am always on the look-out and the first two weeks I haven’t felt safe at all. There has even been an explosion in the RER when I was about to go there; it was an accident, but rumours were spread fast enough that it was a terrorist attack. This feeling of fear and constant attention is new to me and I must say, it’s not really enjoyable. After two weeks, I almost got used to it but I am trying not to stop being careful, at all times. To be fair you can’t really forget about it when your handbag is checked to enter the cinema or a regular shop!
Minimum 10 beggars a day.
Whether you take the metro or walk to go to work, you meet every day at least ten beggars asking for food or money. It is really sad, you feel completely powerless and after a while it becomes really oppressive. What would be the solution to help these people in the long run? You ask yourself that question every day and you try not to get too affected in order to keep going. But oh my, I have never seen so many people begging for help in Paris before.
French people stink.
I know this is another stereotype. But when you take the metro - again! - you cannot help but notice the horrible smells that come to your nose. You even sometimes have to change seat to avoid fainting. I don’t know where this come from and if people do shower or not but I do understand that stereotype that sti(n)cks to us!
What is it with all this admin work?
Oh my God, do French people LOVE admin tasks? It seems so. Everything seems more complicated than it should. Information is often confusing, there is always a missing document in your file and it takes up to 4 months for your application to be analysed - when then you will be missing another document and you start over! When I came back from the UK, I filled in a form online for HRMC (tax system), received a letter from them 4 days later and a payment on my bank account that same week. English tax file sorted. Here, I will still need another few months to open a bank account, get my social security file in order or even get the Internet to work! Crazy. The lack of technology used in dealing with admin requests is also very surprising. Especially for banks. I am missing deeply the bank English system: efficient, quick and all services on your phone! To be fair, this is quite contradictory with the number of apps people use for daily activities: I may have downloaded 15 new apps since I moved here!
Stop dying your hair in blue.
Not that I ever wanted to do this. But here, people are much more judgmental of others and we have the tendency to put them into boxes in a quicker and harsher way. In the UK, because nobody looks at you in the street, you can dress up as you want and dye you hair in blue. If you apply for a finance role and studied literature, we will ask you why you are making that shift and try to understand your motivations but this shall never stop you from getting the job. Maybe there are more obvious or apparent diversity in the UK and that’s why people judge others less. Or maybe the French find it hard to be different, to be themselves and to move away from a potential perfection. I dont know. What I know is how I feel and here I feel it’s harder to be fully who you truly are and I am glad I know myself well and I have enough self-confidence to be as I am.
Swimming becomes a life or death exercice
You think you are going for a swim but watch out, you will get out with many bruises and your survival instinct well awake. The concept is simple: there is no speed attributed for each line and everyone is swimming the same way - clockwise. So you always end up with a granny and a Speedy Gonzales in the same line and the game is no longer to swim but to avoid Speedy’s powerful swim and to gently take over Granny without getting kicked. Good luck with that…
And a few others!
French people use another part of their brain.
My first two weeks here have been exhausting, brain-wise. Here, people analyse everything, speak about a detail for hours and rarely come to a decision. I forgot how theoretical our language was and I must say I initially got quite tired of the slowness of discussions. I got used to the English pragmatic way of seeing the world, the quick decisions and the fast-paced roll of actions. I am now getting used to talk a lot before doing anything and I quite enjoy re-using this part of my brain!
Bye bye English breakfast tea, Hello strong coffee.
Oh my God. On my first few days I took about three coffees a day and I regretted it; my heart was pounding, I couldn’t sleep at night and I felt slightly like a drug addict. Gosh you need to be careful with coffee here: it’s very strong - almost too much - and you should’t take too many. Lesson learnt.
Don’t get offended if people look at you, with a real look.
This is how people connect with each other in the public area. They even sometimes say hi. I remember missing being looked at in my first few months in Bristol. I then got used to it and when I came back to Paris I almost got offended by so many intrusions of people and their look! But the real purpose is not intrusion - I mean, most of the time - it’s connexion. And this human connexion feels good- I mean, most of the time!
In the supermarket, you weight your fruits and veggies yourself. Do not forget or you’ll piss off the whole line of people waiting behind you. However, just a tip: don’t buy these fresh products in a supermarket, enjoy the real fruit & veggie market!
People here speak franglais which is a mixture between French and English words. Funny enough, I speak franglais too but not the same one as the others, leading to a few confusions and great laughs!
My advice: make sure you eat a snack at 4pm. Here dinner is served at 9pm or later!
Shops are closed on Sunday. It’s not practical if you don’t have time to do all your shopping on Saturday but it’s a fact!
Paris is exhausting. A lot of commute, late hours for evening activities and hard work leads to being exhausted most of the time and not to sleep many hours at night!
People are always late. Whether it’s because of their commute or because it’s a cultural thing, just get use to it, it’s life.
People kiss on the cheeks. And share germs. If you don’t want to get ill too often, find a way not to kiss people when you greet them. But if you like physical connexion, you’ll love it!
I miss…
The sound of the seagulls, people’s blue eyes, the amazing excitement for Christmas, the love for an organised an respectful queuing system, people’s politeness, the British sense of humour, and many other things!
Here you go. This is my one-month experience of France after being away for five years. I am soon becoming French again, without forgetting everything I have learnt in the UK and I shall always consider myself as a combination of both cultures!
Have you experienced something similar?
#Expatriation #Repatriation #ReverseCultureShock #LoveParis
Written on 2nd November 2017